procrastination as fear

Another procrastination job: do new promo!

Yep. As a died in the wool Obsessive Worker, I hardly ever suffer Procrastination Blues.
Not my style. Learned long ago to just put my a$$ in the chair and work it, baby!
BUT lately I have a tough time. I am doing that nut ball thing, questioning myself.
I would rather:

• go the gym (now you KNOW this is a bad case of put-it-off!)
• wash dishes (huh?)
• finish the novel I am currently reading which would make that a reward for playing hooky—and how could I possibly reward myself for not working? *headtodesk*
• think up a new series which, I must add, I have NO clue when I can write it given that I am up to that same a$$ in other stuff. (YES, you can see how I am constantly doing more than my 24 hours worth.)

IN fact, years ago, make that over 15 years ago, I had to promise hubby and the family that I would stop work at 5 or...at the latest 6 and not go back. Not Go Back.
I have kept to that.
But you know at night, I usually feel my fingertips itching for the keyboard.
So, is my procrastination really fear? Fear of Failure? Yes, might be.  BUT see me, hear me do this mantra now, I know that this too shall pass.
I have been here before.
Worked myself out of it.
Worked the work until it was great. (or in my estimation so it was. I have put 2 kids through college with my earnings so it does get me enough $$$ to verify me.)
So I guess this means that now that I have dumped my bucket on you, I will crack my knuckles and, for godsakes, Cerise, stop bellyaching and get back to work!
Thank you for listening. That was...um...cathartic.

Just Do It!

A lot of newbie’s ask – how do you get over writer’s block? I’m usually quick to answer this question with Just Do It. Just Write. Write a grocery list, a journal entry or babble on your WIP. Eventually the words will come and you’ll want to write.
So why can’t I take my own advice? When I go weeks without writing I forget that sage advice. Instead I ignore my wip or open it and stare at it, never writing a word. LOL Am I a hypocrite?
In all reality I think we need breaks from time to time. You need a break from the norm and do something different. We need to recharge our brains and to do that we need to step away from routines.
On Sunday the DH and I had lunch on the bay. As I sat watching the boats on the water I realized how much I missed this view. It’d been so long since I’d been near the water. There’s something about the water, more so the ocean that soothes me. It recharges my brain. There are days when I can drive to the state park, sit on a bench or the rocks with my laptop and get lost. Sometimes I don’t even write. I just sit, watch and let time pass.
The lull of the water wading in and out or the rising waves is therapeutic for me. So next time you’re stuck and the motto Just Do It isn’t working – do something that makes you happy. Take a break and don’t stress about not writing.

Moving at a Turtle's Pace

Today was the first productive day I’ve had in a long time. I added 1500 to my wip. You wouldn’t mind but it’s under contract. I have to write it. Which leads me to wonder – am I blocked because I have to write it?
Words normally flow from me easily. I can plow through a 25k book in a month. Yet, it’s been six weeks and this has 6400 words. Yes, I’ve been busy with other things in my life, but writing always took priority.
Lately I find myself sleeping in rather than waking at 4am. I’m sure the change of season plays a part. November has always been a productive month for me. In the last 4 years I’ve participated in Nano I’ve accomplished the 50k goal. I don’t see that happening this year.
I’m not beating myself up about it. I’ve had a good year. Scratch that I’ve had a GREAT year. I’ve had a release every month in 2010, except February, BUT, I had two in March, two in June and three in September so it all averages out.
I think I feel the pressure of not having anything planned for 2011. Yes, I have the contract for All or Nothing, so that should be published in 2011, but other than that – nothing.
Am I freaking myself out? Maybe. Before long I’ll be setting my goals for the New Year. What heights do I want to reach next year?
What goals do you want to reach in 2011?

Dreams

A lot of writer’s I know say that sometimes their story comes to them in dreams. I’m not one of those lucky people. I tend to dream about people trying to kill me or harm someone in my family. Wouldn’t make for a very romantic story.

I’ve been stuck lately. Not sure why. Not really stuck, because I re-read one of my wips and thought, this isn’t half bad. I was excited to get back to writing it…until I opened the document. I also started my cougar story as part of the cougar challenge. Wrote the first ten pages and feel I’m off to the right start. Still when I open this document – nothing. I just stare at the page and type nothing.

The other night I dreamt of being with another man, other than my DH. He was a very sexy Italian. I was standing on a stair, he was ground level. I wrapped my arms around his neck and the words I love you were on the tip of my tongue. Yet, I was too scared to say them. I feared they wouldn’t be returned. But I could feel the love radiating off him as he hugged me. He held me like he never wanted to let me go. And then he whispered those three magic words and my heart melted. I remember squeezing him tighter and returning his sentiments. Then I woke up.
BUT…I was left with an overwhelming feeling of love all day long. That giddy, toe curling, feeling you get when you first fall in love. The feelings have stayed with me the last few days. I want to use them when my H/H get to the point they confess their love for one another, but I have to get there. I have to write a few more scenes before they can realize their love for each other.
How do I get the words to flow so I can finally use one of my dreams?

And thanks to my fellow blog mate and friend Kat for letting me know Pretend With Me was on the coming soon page at www.jasminejade.com, last week. It totally made my day. Look for my new release April 23rd.

Restocking the Creative Pond.

Every writer knows the frustration of dealing with a Muse that’s blown a fuse. We’ve all had days, which usually come with deadlines attached, where the words creep across the page in a slow trickle or worse the words stop trickling at all.

Most of us have to schedule our writing time and force it to fit in our practical lives. We all face days when the Muse resists or resents the schedule and refuses to cooperate. Not surprisingly those are the best days to restock the creative pond.

Writers, who force themselves to write on demand, will eventually drain their creative pond of good-sized fish-I mean ideas. You can’t keep taking big ideas out while putting nothing back. You have to restock the pond you fish from. That means walking away from the computer and reading, living and actually doing some of those things that are so much fun to write about. Even watching great movies will restock the pond.

I write romance, which puts human subtleties under a microscope so human contact restocks my creative pond. I love meeting new people and watching their mannerism and listening to their voice inflections. One of my favorite games to play on restock days is go into the world knowing fate will place an interesting character into my path. I leave the house open to the idea that I am going to speak with a fascinating person. That person can be anyone a waitress, a homeless person or a sales clerk. I let the person choose me and I never bother anyone who is busy.

The rule is: The person must approach me and they must do the talking. It is my job to listen to them with an open heart, no judgments with only enough comment to make them feel comfortable. I’m astonished with the information strangers share with me. If I do my job right and I leave the house with the clearest intentions strangers walk up to me and confess. It never fails.

While others are speaking to me, I see them as perfect souls and the highest teachers I could ask for at that moment. During the conversation, no matter how brief, I always end up feeling or hearing some moment of human truth.

After all that’s why I do this in the first place. I find the more I love about humanity the easier it gets to write about love.

The best conversations end in mutual laughter, a handshake and rarely but sometimes a hug. I always say thank you before I walk away. I have met a countless number of “great teachers” out there disguised as everyday people who have helped me restock my creative pond and I am thankful for it.

What creative ritual or act of love do you offer your Muse?

XXOO Kat