I am too old for that, some would say. But still, I was sorely tempted. After all, I know no child who ever approached the bearded guy with anything other than trepidation. I have none. He would value that. Men do, we writers of erotic romance understand that.
Why would I make a spectacle of myself and sit on Santa's knee? Would I tell him I write erotica? No, no. Not where I go with this. It would be because I WANT things for Christmas.
1. All those folks out there in la-la land who think that connecting with the Yin-Yang of the world comes from constantly looking at themselves (NAVELS, anyone?) lack perspective.
Dare I add, they need a little humility.
If one more person tells me they are due a reward for being good this year, I will smack them.
You get what you give.
No give to others, no get anything in return.
And here, I am not talking about giving away money. I speak only of giving talents and time to those less fortunate.
Rescue a homeless dog or cat.
Work at a soup kitchen for a day.
And no, donating your old jeans to Good Will does not qualify.
2. I want people to learn that compromise is not a dirty word.
I'm tired of being bullied by my opposite political persuasion. Yes, I'd love to have time with my loved ones over the holidays without a diatribe about:
Even a local money management firm here in San Antonio runs political ads of the Wild Eyed Crazy type on their electronic billboard next to lines like: Merry Christmas! Good Will Toward Men. My response is: well, brother, what have you done to foster good will toward men lately?
Truth is: If I ran my decades' old marriage the way the two political parties in this country have NOT run this country and taught the rest of us to:
a) interrupt each other when we talk,
b) disparage anything the other says that is opposite theirs,
c) demand they get their way all the freaking time, I would not be married…or in love with ANYone.
And then we could move on to other great discussions to include items that disparage the divorce rate, lagging birth rate and the failing educational system which cannot teach a child to tolerate any other because they have no role models!
Do you know that since approximately the mid-1980s, the average college graduate in the USA reads one book a year.
Fiction. Non. Who cares? Right. No one.
Are we all so busy playing video games? Texting? Buying stuff like shea butter and yoga toes sox, and Williams Sonoma peppermint bark mix?
That's what we do with our time.
And we are the educated ones.
Recently, another study told us that people who read fiction, have more compassion for others. They can identify with others' challenges. I say to them, BRING IT ON.
I want to clone you.
We need more readers in this country and God knows, we need more compassion.
One of every 5 children goes to bed hungry in this country. One out of 5.
Think about that. Every fifth child you see on the sidewalk…or standing in line for Santa.
Pitiful. And yet, I do hear from people who have a college education and should know better, that this is their fault that they cannot eat well. REALLY? These children do not eat well because their parents have no money to put a decent meal on the table. They have to TRAVEL miles to get to a large grocery store and traveling costs bus money, at the very least.
Let's get more intelligent about how we airbrush the less fortunate in this country. Airbrushing is for women's magazines, not public policy.
4. And speaking of women's magazines, I want Santa to FIRE all those editors who publish stories which begin with: How To Get Your Man To…
THIS is what I fought for when I told my corporate boss I would not take that big promotion unless he also gave me the salary my male predecessor earned?
THIS is what I need my own daughter to read when I have a wonderful proliferation of women's fiction, romance novels and yes, erotica for women to choose from????
Women's magazines that purport to tell a woman how to capture The Elusive Male are so full of 1950s delusions. Where is Betty Friedan when you need her?
This stuff went out with girdles.
But wait! Now we have Spanx.
Can we girls never get our $hit together???
5. Finally, I do want a good gin and tonic. I need a double.
Furthermore, when you come to my house this year for our annual wine tasting, please do not bring that $5 bottle. That is an insult. (Remember, I'm serving great nibbles…cuz I am honoring our friendship.)
Fine taste and good manners are still appreciated. And I want more people to think twice about how to honor their friends.
Humility. Charity. Integrity. Good manners.
All I want for Christmas.
Give it to me.