Tuesday, August 30, 2011

I no longer wear "Falsies"

Okay, I admit I have nothing important to blog about today. I’m bogged down with work, have a class, and it’s back to school night… So I stole this blog from the wonderful Julia Barrett who runs her blog like a professional.

I love Julia’s blog and visit it almost everyday. I never know what I’ll find there. Yesterday she had a terrific post featuring the more extreme version of the Maybelline “Falsies” mascara commercial posted above. You’ve got to pop over there and see with your own eyes the excess Maybelline is trying to foist on us.

(Please visit Julia Barrett’s World blog and check out the other version of the Maybelline Falsies ad and the comments visitors’ left! lol)

Anyway, these were my thoughts about Maybelline Falsies Mascara:

Maybe she’s born with it? I think the word “Falsies” says it all. I’ve already publicly admitted I’m a mascara addict, willing to believe any crap Maybelline, Cover Girl or L’Oreal heaves on me. The make-up section of Target weakens my willpower and my lashes are skimpy. I hate leaving the store empty handed with so many beauty miracles hanging from the shelf within easy reach. I get pulled in and splurge on any new $6 mascara whenever one is offered—which is often. 

As the Latisse ad featuring Brook Shields says, I “suffer from inadequate lash syndrome” and I’m always on the lookout for those eyelashes I lost in the past. 
At this very moment I’m holding a partially used tube of “Falsies” mascara in “Blackest-black” (that means it’s so black it’s beyond the blackest black of any known black realm, it’s goes to the 11 of black, and its even blacker than “carbon” black, which is supposedly a lighter more tasteful shade of black mascara…)

Honestly, “Falsies” mascara does crap! It does not build lashes remotely close to any of their claims. Those models in the ads are wearing double or even triple pairs of false eyelashes and leading us to believe it’s the mascara. Shame on them. 
 I don’t even want to look like the ad, I just want my mascara to build quickly…  Am I asking too much? 

Last week, I foolishly wore Falsies mascara to the gym and walked out with one eye (not both) looking like a raccoon. Why just one eye? It almost looked rakish, like an eye patch, but its still not a flattering look for a gal. 
The Falsies special “spoon” brush did not give me “wings”.

My experiment in Falsies glamour is over. The tube is going into the trash right now… I fully admit I wasted another $6 dollars on nonsense. I’m just scared that if I leave it lying around I might forget about it’s weird one-eyed cyclopic tendencies and use it again by mistake. 

So, to review, if Falsies mascara worked the wearer would look like a vampire child of the night Rupaul drag queen, when it doesn’t work the wearer risks looking like a one-eye raccoon. Learn from my mistakes and spare yourselves the embarrassment and save $6, don’t bother with Falsies mascara it won’t make your flirty vampire dreams come true. 



  1. Can you believe I keep falling for this stuff? Its probably all the same black-goo from the same vat, continually renamed and repackaged as something "new"
    I never
    XXOO Kat

  2. Although "instant glam in a tube" would be fantastic if it really happened, the giant lashes in this commercial(and the others I've seen) scare me!! How do those women hold up their eyelids??
    The makeup propaganda I fall for on a regular basis is for foundation. Do I want to look ten years younger? YES. Do I want flawless skin? YES. Do I want to see those pesky lines and wrinkles disappear? YES! Shocklingly, I haven't found one that lives up to it's promises!?!!

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  4. (My spelling gets worse each day... let's try again.)

    LOL Tessie, have you seen the new ad featuring gorgeous Andie MacDowell hocking L'Oreal's "visible lift" smooth absolute age-reversing foundation with a sable brush that makes "up to 10 years disappear in a stroke". I'm sure there'll be nothing but happy customers for that product! No chance of disappointment there...
    I'll bet it's just wood caulking putty to fill in the cracks.
    XXOO Kat

  5. Bwaaa-haaa! Wouldn't it be great if we could grow our lashes so easily? Never gonna happen. I do like Bobby Brown tho, doesn't cake, smear and clump...
    Thanks for the mention. I think I'm kind of an idiot!

  6. Julia, there's no way you're an idiot! I totally agree with you and if you're an idiot that would mean I'm a big idiot too... whoops (never mind. lol)
    I love Bobby Brown's lipsticks! Everything in her line is so tastefully drab and useable, beige, beige, nude, brown and more beige-I love it.
    XXOO Kat

  7. I'll take Andie MacDowell, Ellen DeGeneres and Diane Keaton over the twenty-something models used in "age defying" makeup commercials!!!! Just like the size 0 girls modeling "shaping" undergarments and "women's sizes"......
    Oh dear God in heaven, I'm slipping to the dark side!

  8. Me and my children have been blessed with extra long eyelashes, even my son. I rarely have to use mascara, unless I'm using something other than black. Still these commercials suck me in too.


  9. Amber you're so lucky! I'm delighted you're passing that good-lash DNA Mojo down the line. The future will thank you!
    XXOO Kat

  10. Yes Tessie, I balk at seeing string beans modeling "shape wear"!
    Does anyone remember walking into the ladies' section of the big department stores with their mother and seeing all the headless torso mannequins modeling "Foundation wear" girdles, long-line brassieres, garter-belts, seamed hosiery etc... women used to wear so much stuff.
    Now it's fetish wear! lol
    XXOO Kat


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