Tis The Season

I would rather remove my own appendix with a dull butter knife than go shopping.

Because of my dislike of malls, crowds and long walks through parking lots, I start my holiday shopping in late summer. I always have a list and know exactly what stores I need to go to. Shopping is only attempted Monday through Thursday, preferably, in the mid-afternoon. I make sure all out of town packages are mailed before Thanksgiving.

Last Saturday, needing one more present for an out of town relative, I broke my own rule and went to Toys R Us. I thought, well, it’s still early enough in the season, I know exactly what I’m getting and where it is in the store; how bad can it be?

I almost got killed in the parking lot. Cars were whipping up and down aisles, and cutting each other off to get the “best” spot. Two cars narrowly missed having a head on collision as they attempted to get in the same spot at the same time. The tiny woman who was not the winner, threw her car into park (in the middle of the aisle so nobody could get around her) and proceeded to yell at the top of her lungs at the other shopper. I parked as far away from the battle zone as possible.

Entering the store, the first thing I heard was a man dropping more f-bombs than I’d ever heard strung together at one time, while trying to return something at the customer service desk. His two small children gazed up at him in horror.

Keeping my head down, I continued to make my way to the back of the store. Children were screaming for toys, while the adults accompanying them screamed back that they weren’t there to buy things for them. I heard one woman tell a child that Christmas could be cancelled, a man tell another child he was going to give him something he could “really” cry about, and a third adult berate a sales clerk who apparently was servicing them fast enough.

I grabbed my one pitiful box and made a beeline for the checkout. After respectfully replying “no thank you” as the clerk asked me if I wanted a rewards card, a credit card, to be on the mailing list, to donate a dollar to some fund, and what my email address was in order to receive valuable coupons, I was finally allowed to pay the bill. When I reached the safety of my car, I sat there for a minute in order to simply enjoy the fact I’d survived the ordeal!

Tessie

http://www.tessiebradford.com